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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903178">Pitch black, pale blue</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticdean/pseuds/chaoticdean'>chaoticdean</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester Says "I Love You", Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, idk what this is i had feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:00:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903178</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticdean/pseuds/chaoticdean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Idk what to tell you, I had feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>215</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pitch black, pale blue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time he lets it slip from his lips is in the dark, pressed up against Castiel’s back, both his arms wrapped tightly around his middle, his lips ghosting over the skin of Cas’ nape, and it scares the shit out of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Dean Winchester isn’t used to letting space inside his soul for anyone, isn’t used to falling asleep feeling content and cared for, isn’t used to gentle reminders that it’s okay to voice what you feel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas finds his hand in the dark, squeezes his fingers gently, and Dean can feel the ghost of a smile on his lips when he turns his head just enough to drag his lips on his cheek, dropping a gentle kiss on the bolt of his jaw. “I love you too, Dean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sinks into sleep wondering how in the holy hell he managed to get so lucky.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because I love you, you idiot!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The second time it’s yelled in the aftermath of a hunt where Cas gets injured, in a crappy motel room outside of Pittsburgh, and it’s a direct answer to Castiel’s “I don’t see why you’re so pissed at me, we get injured all the time, it’s not that big of a deal”,  and Dean doesn’t even register until he sees the way Castiel’s eyes glimmer and how Sam immediately offers to go out and get some food despite the fact that it’s the middle of the night and no one fucking cares about food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slams shut and they meet in the middle, every single kiss a silent apology bathed in pain and fear; it’s Dean clutching at Cas’ hips as hard as he can, a reminder that he’s still here, that they’re still alive, together. They’re still allowed this, can still hold onto each other to remind themselves they’re still making a story together.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“God, I love you so much.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The third time, it’s whispered into Castiel’s ear as Dean snuggles against his back in the kitchen, his head finding its place in the curve of Cas’ neck, eyes heavy with sleep. Cas is making coffee, it’s barely pushing 6 am, and Dean realizes that for the first time in a very long time, he’s happy. There’s an ex-angel in his arms, a place that feels like home, and love coursing through his veins.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck, Cas, I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The fourth and the fifth time, Dean bites it against the curve of Castiel’s throat as they make love. It’s steamy, and heavy, and full of everything he’s not able to express yet. It’s nothing and everything all the same, it’s the result of more than a decade of unsaid things that hangs between them, and Dean speaks it against Castiel’s skin, just because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s in the way they move against each other, in the way Castiel’s eyes glimmer with so much love that he can almost feel his heart leap; It’s in the way Dean’s hand clutches at his sides so hard, like he’s afraid Cas would disappear again. It’s in the way they kiss, in the way they touch, in the way they come together, whispering sweetly against each other mouth before they both find ecstasy together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Supernova turning into a bolt of stars.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry, I know I fucked up. I love you, please don’t go.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The sixth time, it’s Dean whispering into the dark again, trying so hard not to break into tears as Cas stands in the doorway ready to leave. It’s full of pain and fear, buried under a ton of self-loathing and doubts, and Dean can’t get his eyes off Cas, can’t even begin to think about him leaving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas turns back to look at him, and then crosses the room to wrap him in a hug. Dean finally breathes again, inhaling Cas’ scent as he buries his head in the crook of his neck, both his arms wrapping around him and snuggling closer into the space between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you do, but it doesn’t give you the right to hurt me because you love me,” Cas whispers against the shell of his ear after a while, and Dean burrows even closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave me,” he mumbles into the warmth of Cas’ embrace, “please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas just hold onto him tighter in response, never letting go until Dean sinks into sleep after a long while. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m here. I love you. Do you remember that? I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s said against the shell of Castiel’s ear as he trembles between Dean’s arms, carefully wrapped around him. It’s a way to bring him back to Earth after a serious case of anxiety attack in the middle of the night, and Dean doesn’t know it yet but it’s what grounds the ex-angel to earth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas melts against him, his head slouching against the line of his jaw. He breathes in deeply, closes his eyes again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's here. He's okay.</span>
</p><p>He's <em>loved</em>.</p><p>
  <span>Dean just holds on, lulling the once-upon-an-angel back to sleep against him as dawn starts creeping in.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you, Cas.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s in the final part of his wedding vows, in front of their entire band of merry idiots that they call family. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas, radiant in his navy-blue suit, eyes twinkling with so much love that Dean feels like he’s levitating, just smiles back and says, “I love you too, Dean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It may be the hundredth or the thousandth time he’s said those words, but it feels just like the first time: electric, terrifying, mindblowing, full of everything he thought he’d never deserve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like walking into the sun while simultaneously reaching for the stars, and realizing it’s been right there in front of you all along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Written into space. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <em>
    <strong>rebloggable on <a href="https://chaoticdean.tumblr.com/post/636705001686908928/pitch-black-pale-blue">Tumblr</a></strong>
  </em>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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